Midnight musings.

At 5 o'clock this morning, Luke woke up, called for Mama, and wanted Mama to rock him while she sang him back to sleep. So she did.

The night before, he woke up at 4 AM and called for Mama, but seemed to want nothing she could offer. He did not want her to sing. (Gee, wonder why.) He did not want her to rock him. He did not want her to pat his back. He did not want water (even the finest Davis tap water). Then she narrowed it down: "Do you want me to hold your hand?" "YAH." So from 4 AM until 5:30 AM, Bethany sat on the linoleum beside Lukey's crib with her arm stuck through the poles; Luke grasped onto her pointer finger and wouldn't let go. Every time she got up to leave, he woke up and wanted that finger again. (Do they make fake ones?)

Bethany sat there treasuring this little moment in the dark, because her little man is growing up by the millisecond, and what a brief stage it is when your little boy wants to lie in his crib holding your hand.

We want to live, and we want to parent, with no regret; we want to give this life our all.

We were reminded recently with two tearful experiences that made us want to live this life the best and fullest we can. Thursday night Bethany was at a church women's event, and at the end asked a very elderly woman how she was doing. "Better since I came." She went on to explain that her husband had to move to a convalescent home two weeks ago, and they spent all day with the doctors that day. The doctors delivered grim news of rapid heart failure, and she was facing the ugly reality of having to say goodbye to her husband after so many years. She said that she prayed the Lord would take him quickly, because there is nothing worse than watching your loved ones suffer on.

What do you say?

You can't say much. So Bethany left the event, walked out with Sam, and cried.

Even the easiest lives have pain, and though life is good, it can be very, very hard. This life isn't it. It can't be all there is. We are on a journey toward our real homes.

On the way home ("home") Bethany couldn't get out of her head one of her grandma's favorite verses of the Bible, in Revelation: One day it will be able to be said that "The old order of things has passed away." And God will declare: "Behold, I am making everything new!" Barack Obama claims a message of hope, but this is the real hope we hold onto. This life will have pain, but Behold, He will make everything new.

That was Thursday night. Many tears. Much thought. Much gratefulness.

Friday morning, Bethany, Sarah, and Luke were pattering about in Woodland's new Target, and a young employee of the store kept following them around. She seemed intrigued by Luke and kept asking questions about him. She went on and on about how handsome his face was, how beautiful his eyes were, how communicative he was. There was almost a sense of longing in the way she talked about Luke. She threw him his ball, asked him to repeat words, offered him chalk. Bethany just figured this woman really loved children and probably had a little fellow of her own.

After all of the woman's questions, she looked at Bethany with eyes full of tears and said quietly, "I have a son, too."

"He has autism."

"He is six years old and only knows one word. He still wears diapers. We need someone to help us all the time. It is so, so hard."

She talked for a long while about life with her son, crying, and Bethany's eyes had tears, too. The conversation ended with the conclusion of, "No matter what our children are like, each one is so, so special." Then she said she needed to get back to work. Luke grinned at her and said his little sing-song "Bye bye," and Bethany rushed to the dressing room to get a chance with no one but Luke watching to try to hold it together.

Oh, how we cannot wait until God makes everything new, and this order of things has passed away.

In the meanwhile, Luke is experiencing his own babyfears and pains, with two-year molars pushing through and frequent nightmares. Graphic pictures in books ("graphic" = policemen chasing Curious George) make him wince and moan.

The little fellow seems to have a lot of empathy for other people's pain, and with all of his stubbornness, determination, and vigor, does not seem to want to be mean to other kids (besides stealing their toys). Yesterday one of his little friends came up from behind and whacked him in the head. Luke's lower lip came up over his top one, his eyes filled with tears, and he looked with betrayal at his mommy; but he didn't hit back. The day before, a big kid shoved him from behind with both hands. He fell, and cried, and came to Mommy, but never appeared to want revenge. Maybe that developmental stage will come later. :)

The other day we passed a tree that had its top cut off; it looked like a big stump. Luke pointed at it, Bethany explained that it got cut off, and Luke moaned the most pitiful little empathetic moan. Now every time we pass the tree, he moans and says "Boom."

When he sees other people's owees, he points at the owees and says, "Boom," in a sweet, tender, empathetic voice, like, "I feel your pain."

When Bethany chants the rhyme to him about the five little monkeys jumping on the bed, every time she says the monkey bumps his head, Luke gives those pitiful moans again. One time he even started to cry, so she had to stop the rhyme.

And when singing "Five Little Speckled Frogs," Luke sighs tenderly every time a frog jumps into the pool and there is one less frog.

We hope Luke's tenderness, empathy, and aversion to physical violence persist as a strong part of his character when he is a big brother. Otherwise, Baby, watch out...


Life has its pain, and Luke has much empathy, but let's not forget about the little moments of sheer joy. One of which is sticking his head under the bath faucet.


Shealyn turns two!!! Her grandpa, a rancher in Bishop, aptly gave her a cowgirl hat and boots. Yee-haw! Her mom, good ol' Kelly, aptly gave her chocolate cake to get all over her face.


Luke wanted a cowboy hat, too. Maybe clothes would be a logical first step.




Luke and Elliot stare while eating dessert.


Mommy tenderly holds her son while her son does lip tricks.


Luke loves his massages. One time at Bible study, Shiloh gave Luke a shoulder and back massage, and Luke crumpled down into a little hunched ball, totally in the zone and unresponsive to everyone.


The end-of-the-party mommy shot.


Luke used to want to fall asleep with his basketball. Now he is obsessed (again) with his "Giggles with Daddy" book and one night insisted on falling asleep with it.


Later in the night. All decency aside.


Another night, Luke insisted on falling asleep with his Canadian husky dog.


We have had visitors from Canada all week! Most of the time they have jaunted on trips to the Bay Area, which has finer offerings than Davis (gasp!), but it has been very fun having Richie's aunt, Susan (Patti's little sister), and two of her daughters, Emma and Maya, here in Davis. Here, Emma helps Luke charge along on a Barbie car.


The whole gang at dinner.


About to give Maya a ny-ny kiss.


"Ny ny, Aunt Susan!"


New day, same smile, lots of dirt.


Timothy ran up to Richie and wanted "up," so Luke looked at the scene and ran to Nick ("NIT! NIT!") and wanted "up."


Then Luke decided (he really did--we tried to talk him out of it) that he wanted to go home and spend the night with Nick, Beth, and TA-tum. (Side note: They are probably moving back to Massachusetts in September, and we are soooooooo bummed.)


We stole Luke back from his preferred family and dragged him to Farmer's Market, a must-see for folks visiting Davis. Unfortunately, the band playing that night was a group that Susan, Emma, Maya, Richie, and I didn't especially enjoy. Luke still danced along, though. It was a very serious, crouch-low type of dance. Then he refueled with a wee bit of popcorn.


Susan and the cousins' visit has overlapped with Patti and Mandie's. They drove in from Winnipeg yesterday, after a three-day trek through the U.S. Luke was all ready with stares, nose pokes, books for them to read him, and yes. Cheesy smiles.


Grandma even played frisbee with him! He was in heaven. Someone new to show off for.


She looked like she was in heaven, too. :)